Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
