You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
