i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
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