I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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