i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
