you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
dude. I can hear the air.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
