I feel like abortions should bother me more
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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