Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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