i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
