I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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