Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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