I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
