Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
