As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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