Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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