he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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