dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
