if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
