dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
