I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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