I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
