Jerry, you need to find god
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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