i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize