I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
