Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize