can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
