he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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