I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
