Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
