That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
