Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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