You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
