last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
