My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
