I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
