Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
