i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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