if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
