I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
