Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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