You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
