I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
