guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
