Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
