i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
