i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
