member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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