We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't deserve a penis
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize