Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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