I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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