I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
its liver damage thursday
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
