i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
