just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
