You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize