4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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