i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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