Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We have started to decorate penises.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
