So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
