I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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