my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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