I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
