i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
