Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
