dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
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And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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