She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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