It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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