P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
