We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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