all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
