I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
