I can tuck mytits in my pants
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
