i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
