fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Are my feet made of real feet?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
