Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
