We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
