Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
