I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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