i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Even my vagina gasped.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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