I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
