Ambien. No doubt about it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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