If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My cat gives me a boner
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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