When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
