I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
