I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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