She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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