Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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