we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize