too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
